Will it ever get better?

dI have been trying to remain positive, I’ve been trying to trust, I’ve been trying to learn.  There are lessons in this, I know.  Really, I do.  I’m even grateful, you have me down on my knees, aware and also begging, pleading please please please, willing to learn how to grow and care and value and transcend and heal.  Going inside and seeing, the origins, the fall.   Determined to stand again.  But- here I am, again down on the floor.  Writhing in a pain that I just don’t understand.  I can take a lot, but I’m getting so tired of this all.

😦  I have been doing EVERYTHING I can think of to get better.  I even spent 30 days in the middle of the Amazon puking my guts out trying to rid myself of this sickness.  I’m detoxing, I’m meditating, I’m eating as clean and as well as you can imagine.  I’m trying so hard, and I feel like I am getting worse.  I just don’t understand, the ups and downs of this disease are so hard.  I want my life back. It seems like lyme is just one tiny piece of the puzzle- there’s the MTHFR mutation, heavy metal toxicity, hormonal imbalance, other autoimmune issues, food allergies…how do you tackle them all?  I’ve spent thousands of dollars at this point and I still feel like I don’t have any clear answers.  I get the issues, but how do I get better!?!

I don’t believe this will last forever, I refuse to doubt my ability to heal.  But…..when?  When will this get better?  This is ABSOLUTE hell.  The places your body can take you (but does it all originate in the mind?)- I had no idea.